Awhile back … Almost three years ago, Angie and I decided to let nature take its course and see if we could start a family. With me being five years older than Ang, and because I didn’t exactly get married straight out of school, I did not want to be an OLD man when my kids graduated high school. So I decided to start putting in work quality work … (grin).
And while that was all fun times for Angie and I, for some reason the work never produced results. There were a couple of “maybes”, and a lot of pregnancy tests taken, but no plus signs. We were pretty bummed and frustrated for a good portion of the last two years. Watching others start a family was really hard for Angie. I was disappointed as well, but always knew there was a plan, and God had it all worked out. I just encouraged Ang to stay patient / positive, and everything would work out. I just knew we would get pregnant eventually.
We, as a couple, had seen others struggle with getting pregnant. We saw those couples eventually become pregnant naturally, or find another way to conceive. One of our favorite couples even had an amazing experience through adoption. And while we were stoked for them, and thought we even might be interested in the potential adoption option, we still believed that in only a matter of time, nature would do it’s thing. Our story involved us having our own child, naturally.
But time went on … and on … and on. No baby.
We eventually agreed that both of us should get “our stuff” checked out, since timing and persistence did not appear to be a concern. We had been using birth control for a while, but Ang had also been off that for some time, so we thought there had to be something else potentially off. Angie had a procedure or two, to check for setback culprits, but all came back with zero concerns.
It was then my turn. I provided my specimen for the urology folks, and was initially told that my count was really high, but there were some concerns on the quality of the product. I scheduled a follow-up with the doctor, to get a more detailed explanation … and then waited, and waited, and waited … just for a follow-up appointment. They said the best doctor was scheduled out three months! Eventually, I just got torqued off and decided I did not to wait for my scheduled appointment to come around. The nurse eventually got me bumped up the wait list, after showing I was flexible with taking any potential cancellation opportunities.
The doctor finally fit me in back in September, and said although my “stuff” was not perfect, that it would be harder for us to have normal expectations. I had a hard time with this. I was shaken, to be honest. All I wanted to do was provide something we both wanted. I thought I knew how to make this happen, and felt that “time and chance happens to us all.” (Ecclesiastes 9:11) – but it turns out I had no idea what the real plan was. If I’m really wanting to be honest … I was ignoring the same advice I was offering to my wife, and that was to stay open to God’s plan for us.
After coming to this realization, I had my moment of grief, and then told myself to move forward. To find another way to make this happen. Although Angie was all about finding another way, the pain of not having the opportunity to be pregnant was a pretty big deal to her. There was disappointment, hurt, and jealousy moments from time to time. Being around peers who were starting families became really hard for her.
We shared our struggles with the same couple I mentioned above (Ryan and Ashley Clough), who adopted a little guy named Garrett, after dealing with a somewhat similar story to ours. Because they had dealt with similar disappointments, and frustrations, they knew just how to encourage and mentor us. Their struggle was hard, and they knew our pain … AND then some. We were there for them, when they went through life’s wringer, and felt terrible for them at the time. But now we finally felt Ash and Ryan’s real pain. It was a humbling experience, and has also drawn us closer as friends. I thank God for them all the time, and for His brilliance in putting those friends in my life, way back at Taylor University.
After many tears, and a lot prayer, we finally decided that our plan just might not be God’s plan for our family. But family WAS still God’s plan for us. Adoption was going to be our next move, because waiting any more just was not an option. We felt God was telling us that our child was out there, and that the hunt was on! But where and how do we start?
Fortunately, Angie has this great group of friends, who pretend to read books. The truth is, they are all beautiful women, who like getting together and share stories, and occasionally bring up the assigned book for the month. They are all moms, so for the longest time, you can understand why Ang was close to quitting the group. But while we went through our struggle, Angie met a friend, who we’ll call “Helen” … because that is her name. She is 2nd from the left, in the top row. Her story is completely different from ours, but the impact of her son’s adoption has made a HUGE impact on our story and plan to adopt.
Helen set us up with the same private adoption attorney out of Louisiana, who introduced her to her son (Finn), who also only accepts referrals for his services. These adoptions are completely closed, which means that once the child has been signed over into our care, they are ours, and there is no possibility of the mother changing her mind down the line, expecting to regain access to the child. The both of us strongly believe that by doing things this way, that it leaves the child’s future wide open for the best of EVERYTHING. Basically allowing God to have His way in the child’s life.
Right now, we are in the process of having a home study done. Our paperwork is in, and our lawyer will soon match us with a mother. Our preferences are WIDE open … so again, God’s gonna do what He’s gonna do. If you haven’t caught on yet, we strongly believe this, and that belief is the theme of our story.
To end … We will keep you all posted. We are very excited and hope you’ll check back with us either on Facebook, or through this blog. If you have our number, you can text or call, but don’t always expect an immediate response, or much progress. We don’t know a timetable yet or any more details than what you have now. This is hot off the press for us as well. We also will only share something once we feel it to be rock solid, and progress is being made. No sense in getting worked up until there is real work being done.
Please keep ALL of us in your prayers. By this, we mean the mother, our lawyer, his staff, and our families. We know these people are all essential to making this work, and are a part of God’s plan. So that you know, you are part of the team as well. We appreciate your prayers and encouragement. We look forward to introducing you to the someday soon. Until then …
“Glory to Jesus
Ancient and strong
Giver of love
And the theme of my song
Glory to Jesus
Ancient and strong
Come to Your people
And carry us home”
– Andrew Peterson